Not having the courage to heal a wound (mental of course!).
Not being able to let go of things (as in intangibles. So not things – feelings)
Memories I hold on to (inside my head – it’s like a 22ltrs bucket inside here)
I am not perfect. I have hurt a lot of people. And I have not been sorry for being cruel. I took pride in being heartless and detached and straight forward with my words. Maybe.. aahh fuck it. I know this is the reason I don’t have a lot of friends and why so many don’t like me. I still have difficulties accepting some of these facts. But I know I have problems I need to urgently work on. Losing my temper at the drop of a hat being one of them. Hurting close ones being another. Does skin problems also count? Skin is after all, the largest organ in human body (don’t correct me if I am wrong).
Anyway, I have read enough stories and articles to psycho-analyze, I am arrogant. I feel I am superior to others (I also feel inferior to others! Talk about paradox! Also happens to be my favourite word – paradox, irony, and oxymoron). I expect perfect grammar from people whose first language is not English (spelling… not so much). I pride myself on being secular. Not really. Deep down I know all of us are racist. I love putting people down. So these are my shortcomings. Oh yes. I almost forgot, lazy. And I almost almost! did not want to write gluttony.
But I am still human (gluttony giving away the game here). Even if I fall under maybe the worst kinds, I do get hurt. As it happens to be, I think I might be hyper sensitive. Such a bad mental condition to have (not that having any mental condition is good). I wish there was a permanent solution to this problem. Like switching off the humanity switch in vampire diaries (YES! I did watch those series of never ending series!!!). I wish we had it in real life as well. Sometimes, I spout fountains of fugly emotions and I would very much like to turn that tap off. If only!! But I did read somewhere that it is coming to an end. Vampire Diaries of course, not me spouting nonsense.
So today this torrent/ tirade/ barrage of words are spilling from my fingers because it happens to be a special day. I wonder if I will ever ever grow up. I am so tired of this behavior of mine. Believe me. I almost want to kick myself in the head for behaving the way I do. But not quite. I have huge thighs so it’s not practically possible. Because, gluttony.
So what I am saying is, I maybe one messed up piece of shitty fish but I got a heart too (Humans can’t function without one it seems). And I do realize I have made mistakes and I don’t want to say sorry for them (go figure!). And words really are my true friends. That sentence was quite random, but I like it there. Make what you want of it. I have said my piece. Maybe now the stupid heart will rest in peace (or rather beat in peace). But only until it feels I have embarrassed myself enough to last a while. Did anyone catch that rhyming I got going there?
See you next time I embarrass myself in public.
P.S – did I forget to mention the special occasion?
P.P.S – HARRY FREAKING POTTER FAN FOR LIFE!
P.P.P.S – is it really necessary? I could start a different article. But I did use a fuck in this one though. And I did use gluttony thrice in one article. It’s fast turning into my favourite word. Hmmm…
P.P.P.P.S – this article was supposed to be about things that make me sad. What is this?