Sometimes you can’t move on.

I read it somewhere, “hate is heavy, so let it go”, and ever since the line has stayed at me. Some days I think of you. I look back on purpose. The memories are mostly good. I miss you. I know not how you feel but I can tell you are a bigger person than me, so you will most probably not even think before giving me your friendship back. I guess the only thing holding me back is me. I can’t forget the hurt. I know you didn’t mean to. Those were simple words. To you. I just am slightly more touché about things. I don’t hold any hate towards you anymore. But I know I am not capable of forgetting that feeling.

You really made me feel so bad that night. I never expected you to feel that way. Maybe because I had never felt that way. In-spite of the arguments and the fights, I still loved you. I never thought to call you my best friend because I knew you already had so many of those. I always knew I wasn’t as important in your life as you were in mine. You do not know of the tears that night. No one does. But I cried my share over the loss of you on the night before graduation. The hot salty tears leaving an invisible trail behind. I never want to feel that way again. I will never feel that way again.

I really miss you some days. But I have learned to fill that gap with lots of other things. Distractions. I have developed strange habits to lose focus. Books help. They always did. They are my one true escape. I still hope for a day when I don’t have to feel this way about you. I hope one day, I can forgive and forget about you. So you become just an acquaintance with no attachments.

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