forgetting to forget you

It was by chance… I saw you. I have been trying to stay as far away from you as possible, taking every precaution necessary. So when it happened… I felt this strange pinch in my heart. And it felt like I couldn’t take my eyes off of you even if I tried. Almost like, I wanted to keep looking at you so I could feel all that pain again. Almost like a masochist.
I know that we are over. And everybody keeps advising me to stop dragging a relationship beyond its normal course of time. Like our relationship had an expiration date. And I know it was right to give up finally. But strangely when ever these chances occur, when I end up seeing you, right doesn’t feel that right.
I really had no idea we would end up like this. I know you are not the one to mourn the loss of someone for long. And I guess that is an advantage, to have that capacity to move on no matter what. I wish I would just get on with it too. It’s so tiresome to be careful and purposely try not to go places where past might come chasing after me. It’s no fun being on guard. You have no idea how frustrated I am with myself. I just… I wish I could just forget that I have to forget you.

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