whining of an introvert

Ahhh… I am frustrated. Every time I try to get offended or hate them for their hurtful comments, the logical side of me jumps in and says, “But you did display those behaviors!” The arguments she presents to claim that I am the most selfish being on planet Earth is actually valid. From her point of view, I am insensitive, rude, inconsiderate, stubborn, uncaring and even evil maybe. And to tell you the truth… I am all of that and then some more. But she doesn’t understand the struggles that I go through. I know her’s are much bigger than mine but still… aren’t mine worth anything? At all???
I don’t talk back much. But when I do I tend to end up hurting other people’s sentiment. So I try to control those outbursts of angry emotions. But there is only so much a small hearted person like me could take in. The strange thing is… no one seems to remember all the time that I stay shut and listen to all the accusations they pass out. They only seem to remember the times I can’t control and blurt out stuffs that I actually feel. But I realized just now, that I am not allowed to do that. I need to keep it all inside and show others only the happy side. Even in front of people I consider my own. I am not allowed to be sad or angry or emotional. I just need to be happy. That’s all anyone wants to see. That’s all that’s expected of me. Be a happy pretender. No one’s interested in your sadness… You have too much in life; what on earth could you be complaining about?! You are not allowed to have mood swings. No one wants that. You just need to act happy whatever the hell you feel inside.
Huh… or it all might be just inside my head. Maybe I am the one who’s a spoilt brat. Maybe I am too messed up to handle people the right way. And as I read what I wrote, I too just see the miserable whining of a girl who has too much in life.


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